Lesbian Religious
Pat O'Donnell, a Dominican Sister living in Tucson, Az., was a contributor to Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence. She signed her story with her full name not only to honor who she is but also to assist other people who are on a similar journey to validate their journey. She saw her contribution to the book as part of her work as holistic counseling. As an immediate consequence, Pat lost her job as spiritual counselor at Picture Rocks Retreat. However she remained in Tucson to continue her work. She is currently setting up her own business as holistic counselor. She also decided to leave her religious order.
As I conveyed my decision to depart from my religious order, a friend shared her sorrow. She said that I, as a women religious, was like a "proxy" for her.
To be true the woman religious' personal spiritual inner work is not only her own nourishment, but she taps into this energy source to comfort, instruct and heal others. And to be effective in her ministry-even 'active' ministry-she must be conscious of her own inner growth-her spirituality.
But can she-the woman religious-be also a proxy for another's inner work? NO! No one can accept another's inner work responsibility. WE can enhance another's inner work by calling them forth, assisting them to a conscious awareness. As companions on the journey, we can share tools along the way. The actual inner work, the integration of Self, is spirituality and no one can do another's spiritual development for them.
Life is about developing the gifts that are innately given to each of us. Everyone is called to identify her own gift, to own it and to be ready to share it with others. This call is to all women, not limited to women religious. This is why all women are called to be religious (spiritual) women, though not all are called to be women religious.
Therefore, those of you who see women religious as your proxies, need to do some re-evaluation. Have you been burned by the institutional church and because of the pain did you dis-associate yourself from it? In the process do not throw out your own spirituality also. And do not depend on women religious to do your inner work for you.
I'm confronting the same situation and while distancing myself from the institution, I choose not to throw out my spirituality. I'm departing from the religious life but I'm not giving up my spiritual journey, for my inner work MUST continue as I move toward wholeness. I refuse to let the institutional church rob me of this power!
In my journey, I have listened to the truth in personal revelations, but the present instructions on homosexuality of the institutional church do not validate or support this truth. I can preach that all gay/lesbians are gifted by God/Goddess with their sexual orientation, but I must not then direct the homosexual person to proceed through life with the option of a committed relationship. As I see it this 'official' teaching is not honoring the God/Goddess gift of one's 'whoness'.
My retreat ministry has been terminated primarily because of my 'going public'. The institutional church squelches me because of my open contribution to Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence. It desires to shackle people to prevent an awareness of lesbian/gay reality. I commend New Ways Ministry in its effort-through its workshop offerings-to assist people in data collecting and furthering the understanding of gay and lesbian issues. How could I condone the institutional church's attempts at suppressing these workshops, at keeping people ignorant?
But knowledge and awareness would allow verbalization, and a subsequent demand for more just directives would be made. And ultimately change would be imperative. The topic of sexuality would have to be addressed. In spite of its fears, the institutional church would have to face its own shadow and do its own inner work!
Whatever it's reason(s), I cannot assume responsibility for the collective institutional church. What I can do is being responsible for my own individual inner growth. I must respect the life with which the God/Goddess has endowed me. For as I stated in 'Dream Journey to Myself' (Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence): I came to the desert to face the truth--or die. There I found an another women, the Self I had locked away for so long. Now I am at home with that Self and alive in my love for others. I still have fears, of course. . .But more important than my fears is owning who I am. No thief can ever again rob me of that power.
I choose to live. And what is your choice.
Images, Vol. 3, No. 4, Winter 1985-86.
