Shared Stories
The stories below were sent to us by Catholic lesbians and others of varying age groups and backgrounds. These stories are meant as comfort, reassurance and support that you are not alone in this journey. Please consider sharing your story. These more our stories are told and shared, the more visible we will become in our communities. The act of telling our story affirms who we are; by sharing it you also reach out to others with encouragement and support.
To add your own story, email us.
To add your own story, email us.
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I am only 20 years old, which, for this site seems to be young, but
I've been searching for answers. I am Catholic, and I just discovered that I
am bisexual. This has caused me to question everything that I used to
believe in. What is faith? What is love? Should I only love a man? Can I
love a girl and still be Catholic? Until I found this site, I was miserably
considering leaving the Catholic Church. I couldn't find a place for me in
it. However, after reading these stories, I have some hope for the future. I
feel that, with time, I will be able to reconcile my faith with my
sexuality, and I want to share my story in case there are other young women
out there searching for answers.
Young people these days fall into a lot of different categories regarding
religion. There are many who don't believe at all, and plenty who don't know
enough to profess a belief. Still others are jaded and cynical, blaming God
angrily for wars, birth defects, and rapists. I decided at a young age that
I didn't want to be one of those kids. I wrestled with my faith through high
school, hoping to achieve holiness eventually. When it came time to apply
for colleges, I chose a conservative Catholic school where I knew I would
find a healthy faith community and positive reinforcement for my views.
College went well as long as I was "normal", but then the day came when,
suddenly, I found myself on the outside.
3 months ago I was straight. I can't honestly say that I'd never had
struggles with my sexuality before...there were a couple girls in high
school...beautiful, smart, funny...but no! It wasn't like that! I swear! We
were just really good friends! My Mom and I had a bad relationship, so I was
just looking for female companionship. Right? I kept up my rosaries to keep
"perverted" thoughts out of my head and went on having relationships with
boys in college. They were consistently unfulfilling, but I kept hoping I'd
meet the man of my dreams. I prayed for a good husband, and tried to be
patient. My homophobic upbringing and deep-rooted, personal prejudice
against gays prevented me from being honest with myself. I tried to find
some justification, ANYTHING that could explain the "weird" inclinations I
was having towards girls. I spent the summer wrestling with my demons and
fighting with my parents. I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know why.
Then, 3 months ago, the reason hit me in the face. My best friend of almost
two years confessed that she was in love with me.
I hit the wall.
My life turned upside down.
I absolutely could not handle the things that she was saying, but they were
true, and I couldn't run from the truth. It hunted me down like a pack of
bloodhounds on a frightened rabbit. It took me 2 and a half months of
sleepless nights and emotional instability to accept that I too, was head
over heals in love with her. I don't think I've ever looked forward to
Christmas break so much. I'm counting down the days until the end of the
semester when I can see her again. I'm scared for sure, but we're just now
embarking on a new relationship, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I
realize that the pain it took to me reach this point is only just beginning.
I expect certain ostracism from my family, and I've already had
disappointing reactions from my friends. I still don't know how to reconcile
my faith and my sexuality, but I know that I love my faith, and I love____,
and I cannot accept that God would make us this way only to keep us apart.
I've been searching for answers. I am Catholic, and I just discovered that I
am bisexual. This has caused me to question everything that I used to
believe in. What is faith? What is love? Should I only love a man? Can I
love a girl and still be Catholic? Until I found this site, I was miserably
considering leaving the Catholic Church. I couldn't find a place for me in
it. However, after reading these stories, I have some hope for the future. I
feel that, with time, I will be able to reconcile my faith with my
sexuality, and I want to share my story in case there are other young women
out there searching for answers.
Young people these days fall into a lot of different categories regarding
religion. There are many who don't believe at all, and plenty who don't know
enough to profess a belief. Still others are jaded and cynical, blaming God
angrily for wars, birth defects, and rapists. I decided at a young age that
I didn't want to be one of those kids. I wrestled with my faith through high
school, hoping to achieve holiness eventually. When it came time to apply
for colleges, I chose a conservative Catholic school where I knew I would
find a healthy faith community and positive reinforcement for my views.
College went well as long as I was "normal", but then the day came when,
suddenly, I found myself on the outside.
3 months ago I was straight. I can't honestly say that I'd never had
struggles with my sexuality before...there were a couple girls in high
school...beautiful, smart, funny...but no! It wasn't like that! I swear! We
were just really good friends! My Mom and I had a bad relationship, so I was
just looking for female companionship. Right? I kept up my rosaries to keep
"perverted" thoughts out of my head and went on having relationships with
boys in college. They were consistently unfulfilling, but I kept hoping I'd
meet the man of my dreams. I prayed for a good husband, and tried to be
patient. My homophobic upbringing and deep-rooted, personal prejudice
against gays prevented me from being honest with myself. I tried to find
some justification, ANYTHING that could explain the "weird" inclinations I
was having towards girls. I spent the summer wrestling with my demons and
fighting with my parents. I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know why.
Then, 3 months ago, the reason hit me in the face. My best friend of almost
two years confessed that she was in love with me.
I hit the wall.
My life turned upside down.
I absolutely could not handle the things that she was saying, but they were
true, and I couldn't run from the truth. It hunted me down like a pack of
bloodhounds on a frightened rabbit. It took me 2 and a half months of
sleepless nights and emotional instability to accept that I too, was head
over heals in love with her. I don't think I've ever looked forward to
Christmas break so much. I'm counting down the days until the end of the
semester when I can see her again. I'm scared for sure, but we're just now
embarking on a new relationship, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I
realize that the pain it took to me reach this point is only just beginning.
I expect certain ostracism from my family, and I've already had
disappointing reactions from my friends. I still don't know how to reconcile
my faith and my sexuality, but I know that I love my faith, and I love____,
and I cannot accept that God would make us this way only to keep us apart.
emily
My story is complicated, I suppose like everyone elses. My first ever memory of feeling 'different' was when I was around 4 yrs old and my friends wanted to play chasing - boys and girls. I went to be with the boys, my friends reminded me that I was a girl. I was truly and utterly devastated. I threw my 4 year old frame onto the ground and belted my fists off the cement shouting 'I want to be a boy, I want to be a boy!!!'. I remember this as clearly as yesterday.
Since then, well, finding out im adopted and that my adoptive parents are homophobic or really ignorant and truly practising catholics, I had no hope of coming out troublefree. When I did finally come out, and that was a crazy time, as when I decide to do something, I do it there and then, the timing was lousy to say the very least. (typical aries eh?)
I moved out the next day (19 yrs old), after telling my parents, (so my Mam didn't have to see me around and have me in her face really).
Since then, I moved back in for a year. Me and my Dad nearly murdered (not literally) each other- far too similar. Then I finally moved out, for what I thought was for good, when I was 21. I have been on an amazing journey of self discovery and extreme experiences ever since then, even leaving Ireland for ten years and bouncing around England. Mind you I have gained some amazing and irreplaceable experiences there. I am forever grateful for this time. I regret nothing, as no-one should. Everything is an experience - good and bad. The 'badder' the better,I say. Just got to find the aul silver lining- and there always is one I tell you. seriously... just look. be philosophical and you will go far.... xxxx
Since then, well, finding out im adopted and that my adoptive parents are homophobic or really ignorant and truly practising catholics, I had no hope of coming out troublefree. When I did finally come out, and that was a crazy time, as when I decide to do something, I do it there and then, the timing was lousy to say the very least. (typical aries eh?)
I moved out the next day (19 yrs old), after telling my parents, (so my Mam didn't have to see me around and have me in her face really).
Since then, I moved back in for a year. Me and my Dad nearly murdered (not literally) each other- far too similar. Then I finally moved out, for what I thought was for good, when I was 21. I have been on an amazing journey of self discovery and extreme experiences ever since then, even leaving Ireland for ten years and bouncing around England. Mind you I have gained some amazing and irreplaceable experiences there. I am forever grateful for this time. I regret nothing, as no-one should. Everything is an experience - good and bad. The 'badder' the better,I say. Just got to find the aul silver lining- and there always is one I tell you. seriously... just look. be philosophical and you will go far.... xxxx
Audrey
So here I am a 25y/o successful teacher- experiencing love in the most magical sense--but so empty in terms of my relationship with God. My partner and I have been together for 9 years--9 amazing years. My feelings of joy are sometimes filled with guilt and sorrow as I remember my faith and relationship with my church. I have hit a "rough patch" with being Catholic-I have struggles that are so hard to put into words. My partner and I spent Christmas in Rome-a place that Catholicism dances on windowsills-a place filled with so much religious passion. So why did I cry as I listened to the Pope's New Years day blessing? Why does my heart feel as if a piece has died? Why is it so hard for me to embrace my rosary and feel the calm before a storm? I feel as though I have cheated---cheated myself. I feel as though I have let my faith down. What do I do? We are about to embark on the wonderful journey of parenting as I will soon become pregnant. How do I raise my children (besides the obvious)....do I immerse them in a religion that has caused my own heart so much pain? What do I do? How do I repair my relationship with God==my convictions are strong but are they strong enough? serendipity1152000@yahoo.com
Jenny
After reading the stories,am encouraged to learn that the catholic church has room for lesbians,i was born and brought up a catholic,my attraction for my fellow women has always left me feeling very guilty,but not anymore,after discovering this website,am a kenyan and living in kenya,how do i connect with the support groups abroad?
betty
I have been gay my whole life. Since I was a small child I have been aware of this difference. I have had strong loving relationship with women. I was with one for 15 years. The other 4 years and as a teen one for two yr. I've never been with a man. Yet, today I no longer want to be gay. I have been through break up to love again, political votes, and adopted a child as a gay mom. I still believe in gay rights. Since my faith, my feeling toward women has changed. I imagine I will always find them to be amazing but I have felt differently lately. I have been alone the last two years almost 3 years. I find myself falling out of love with the gay community. I am tired of the drama, the emotional highness that comes from being with a women, the intense feelings. I don't know if I could be with a man and even if I was to someday I would still be gay. If that were to happen I could see myself one day returning to gay life. I am who I am but I no long feel the same way.
erin
