Spiritual Friendship
April 26th, 2009 | Uncategorized | Permalink | No Comments »About the author: Aelred of Rievaulx (c. 1109-1167) was born at Hexham, Northumberland, and grew up at the court of King David of Scotland. On one occasion when Aelred was in Yorkshire on the business of the royal court he heard of the “angelic men” of Rievaulx and, after visiting the community, decided to enter monastic life there. Aelred rose to prominence; he became novice master of Rievaulx and was then sent to lead a new foundation at Revesby, Lincolnshire. In 1147, when he was 38, Aelerd returned to Rievaulx and presided as abbott until his death in 1167. Aelred’s charisma and devotion encouraged many to join the community and the number of monks and lay brothers rose considerably during his abbacy. 
Aelred was one of the most influential men of his time. He counseled other abbots and bishops and corresponded frequently with kings and popes. He kept up a close friendship with King David I of Scotland, and acted as an advisor to King Henry II of England.
A contemporary, Jocelin of Furness, gives the following account of Aelred in his Life of St. Waldef: “Moreover, he was a man of the highest integrity, of great practical wisdom, witty and eloquent, a pleasant companion, generous and discreet. And, with all these qualities, he exceeded his fellow prelates of the Church in his patience and tenderness. He was full of sympathy forthe infirmaties, both physical and moral, of others.”
Aelred fell in love with two fellow Cistercians. He described the second monk as “the refuge of my spirit, the sweet solace of my griefs, whose heart received me when fatigued from labors, whose counsel refreshed me when plunged in sadness…I deemed my heart in a fashion his, and his mine…We had but one mind and one soul…”
Notes on the book: Throughout his life, Aelred of Rievaulx took great joy in his friends and he believed that by loving and being loved by them, we learn to accept and return God’s infinitely greater and enduring love. Aelred saw friendship not as a threat to community, but as the cement of community. For Aelred, every true friendship opens onto the love of Christ, the dearest friend of all. “God is friendship,” he said, “and he who dwells in friendship, dwells in God and God in him.”
He incorporated his personal experience of gay love to write some of the best Medieval treatises on Christian friendship and the love of God. Aelred did not repress his homosexual feelings but integrated them into his monastic discipline and spiritual reflections.
“It is a great consolation in life,” he wrote, “to have someone to whom you can be united in the most intimate embrace of the most sacred love..with whom you can rest, just the two of you, in the sleep of peace, away from the noise of the world, in the kiss of unity, with the sweetness of the Holy Spirit flowing over you..”


